Forget what you know.

That is not a tiger hiding behind your flowerpot in the backyard. What I mean to say is that it is a tiger, but he is as scared of you as you are of him.

Scratch that.

What really is happening, and the reason you are in this mess, is because you never fixed that wacky lock on the sliding glass door. Now it won’t open after you aggressively closed it behind you as you stepped onto your back patio. It is a very good thing that isn’t an angry tiger behind your flowerpot.

Pretending that “not a tiger” is behind your flowerpot, you decide to play a game of what big teeth you’ve got. You convince yourself that asking crazy questions out loud will emit a frequency of strangeness so immense that the tiger - because we all know it is a tiger - will be scared off by your bizarre lack of normalcy and it dare not attack for fear it will be destroyed by your other sharpened surprises.

What the tiger is doing in your backyard is a mystery.